psyconversations

2011-05-11T22:06:00.000+02:00

maybe it's time for a break from everything.

I'll see u.

absofuckinglutely can't always get what u want.

2011-05-11T21:33:00.000+02:00

2011-05-11T11:50:00.000+02:00

She: "U might think I'm crazy and loose respect or appreciation for me after I tell u I got married in Las Vegas"

Me: "And u might loose respect or appreciation for me after I tell u that u've just become my Hero. Las Vegas is the only Wedding I can dream of"

that's a NO sandwich

2011-05-11T11:31:00.000+02:00

a very good example (from desperate housewives) of a NO sandwich

I am not turned on

U are a very handsome man

We are not gonna have sex

I have an idea! let's go to Ikea :o)

2011-05-11T08:06:00.002+02:00

:o)

our secret box

2011-05-10T10:51:00.000+02:00

the day I met u I bought a little box

if u know me by now u should know also which color I picked for the box

one day u came to visit me and while we were talking, without noticing it, u touched the little box, without opening it, as if in a gesture of caressing it, not of looking what was hidden inside

and u never asked what was that blue box about

I kept right there little secret notes about us

I wrote things we spoke about, things we dreamed of doing together one day

I kept everything in there because I did not want to forget any of those moments that for sure we would have shared at a certain point

I don't know how many of those notes I put inside the box

I recall though a recurrent one

"u and me, ice cream"

the germans...

2011-05-10T08:17:00.001+02:00

only with a smile

2011-05-09T13:34:00.000+02:00

I have been part of these rooms

loud laughters on the stairs

more or less professional singing in this shower

I have been the lighted candles in the corner and experimental dinner in the oven

flowers in the vase, planted out of season

some pictures on the windows

I have been, but I need to leave now

in order to keep on being all these things I love

u can surely keep me here anytime u want, but only with a smile

queensdays

2011-05-08T12:58:00.000+02:00

some days it's a queensday

a prince and a princess get married

and the famous bad guy, according to the fake worldwide news, gets caught... someone made the brilliant joke that the past week end was the perfect "Disney week end" .. so true!

my week end in amsterdam while all this stuff was taking place, was in the name of sunny, drunk, stoned, dancing mood

it totally reminded me of san francisco's love/gay/peace/ whateva parade
where I spent the whole day with some friends walking around and going bananas

when on Sunday one week ago I set with B. and S. to have brunch we all wanted to say something, to block time for awhile, to have some more of that.. we ate a bit slowly, trying to hold on

we smiled and looked into each other's eyes and no words were needed... except "u have some cream left on ur mouth"

we hugged, knowing that only the skies can tell when we shall meet again...

but we will always have Amsterdam and the memory of a day where we all felt like Queens and Kings...

the Sun today shines like one week ago, the wind passes by and caresses ideas

if only some days could last longer.

then we do it again.

2011-05-08T09:26:00.000+02:00

too fast for my taste.

2011-05-08T09:20:00.001+02:00

-fast food
-fast money
-fast fuck

too fast for my taste.

into the face of time

2011-05-07T19:51:00.003+02:00

Did you ever think
That we could be so close, like brothers

The future's in the air
I can feel it everywhere
Blowing with the wind of change

The time for the big decisions was strongly feared and, surprisingly, before even making a real plan about those decisions, everything happened already

as if the process took place so fast that it was hard to point out the moment between the before and the after

I walked several km between yesterday and today and it's exactly the same feeling, I did not even realize the walking from where I started and the moment when I got home

PER ASPERA AD ASTRA.

we all need the miracle.

2011-05-06T12:45:00.001+02:00

few simple words made me really think about an important aspect of the misterious concept of Love

there is one thing that we don't really seem to get above the others

and it's that when it comes to real, deep and strong love there is no explanation about it

when I came to this world my mom loved me and this love had no real reason.. she loved me without knowing who I was, she loved me and accepted me exaclty the way I came and... even more shocking she kept loving me through these years even when I might have given her reasons to stop loving me

it sounds even "normal", but if u think about it, it is not normal at all... it's not written anywhere

and not every person feels the way I do or can say what I am saying right now about their parents. It's the biggest luck and gift on Earth: the gift of being loved. Being loved for who we are without having really deserved it in any single way...

Love is like that. It can develop all of a sudden and for no reason and... never leave u.

It's basically the only miracle we can feel in Life.

Might look like a stupid miracle... since it can be painful and against our control, but some say it's totally worth the truble.

and u won't know.

2011-05-05T14:11:00.001+02:00

I walk away and you won't know

U produce it. U live it.

2011-05-04T11:15:00.001+02:00

this made me think of the conversations of the past few days

how important it is to allow urself to change ur mind

it seems like an unpleasant thing to do, like giving up on something

the point is that finding out u were wrong about this or that, can turn out being a great experience

the world might even look better when u find the courage of changing ur mind, urself

especially on those things u never really tried, u never really believed in, u never really thought they made sense for someone like u

go for it and see if u were wrong

what do u have to loose? in the worst case u find out u were right indeed...

PS thanks to L. for bringing this to my attention.

happy hand in hand end

2011-05-03T12:20:00.000+02:00

I realised that since I don't know what I am gonna do, I at least make decisions about what I am NOT gonna do

so far so good

the reason is I don't want to crave

things either work or do not

either come or do not

either count or do not

walking next to each other has the meaning of sharing, NOT of following, NOT of blocking, NOT of leading, NOT of pushing

walking next to each other, preserving our own peculiar way of facing what happens in Life, is my happy hand in hand end

the (he)art of knowing

2011-04-28T13:45:00.000+02:00

I was thinking about this famous sentence "listen to ur heart"

and I ran into some basic problems:

who says ur heart knows it better? a lot of people get a physical reaction and their heart starts beating faster only because they thought they were in danger... when it turns out it's not true, everything disappears... the heart doesn't know it always better... actually it has no idea until u give a reason to ur heart to feel anything

it seems more plausible that our heart feels exactly what we think, it feels what our mind is going through

so

if our heart feels something that upsets us, guess whose fault is it? ok, it's not about faults, but it's about us... liking it or not

u say u don't have heartbeats anymore? guess why...

the real problem is blaming the wrong part of ur body, trying to solve the wrong issue

I wouldn't say listen to ur heart, more listen to urself, ur entire SELF

because if there is an answer u r looking for, a solution to a problem u really want to solve... it's all there, u just need to learn which language does ur SELF speak

it might take a while... even ur whole life... if u get there then... have a nice talk with urself and enjoy the rest of ur life

I guess it's worth the effort

auguri, Mamma =)

2011-04-22T09:30:00.000+02:00

la tazzona, gli immancabili tupperware, la candelina sgarruppata, i pulcini rappresentativi e la gallinona che causa foto da webcam pare in proporzione più piccola della tazzona...

=)

colazione di compleanno con la mia mamma

per tutto il resto c'è mastercard.

no way to forget about u, Pablo Neruda.

2011-04-17T17:42:00.001+02:00

IF YOU FORGET ME

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

for forsaken peace sake

2011-04-17T17:30:00.000+02:00

I dunno where some people find their energy

I am one of those animals which can do a lot, race and give 100%, but after that, the well deserved time to rest needs to be on the menu

otherwise I have to say goodbye to my good mood and to my pleasure in doing things

what can I say? I have to feel odd because I like sleeping on the week end, taking it easy, being a couch potato, eating nice food, sometimes while still on the couch

and of course I take a walk in the sun and in the clouds

of course I go for a beer

of course I meet up with some nice people

but I don't run around restless like a manic freak...

I don't need to. I don't want to

I can surely dance for hours and then fall asleep in the arms of my bed with my clothes still on

but

sometimes after a nice relaxing week end day, I go for a nice dinner, I walk home taking a longer path so that I can buy ice cream, I go upstairs and watch a movie that sometimes caresses me to sleep

and I love it, for forsaken peace sake!

sexy sax in saxony

2011-04-11T20:29:00.000+02:00

while sitting on my balcony where I grilled some nice food

resting my tired muscles

and my thoughts

I couldn't ask for a better soundtrack

my neighbor is playing sax

and these are his notes

sexy sax in saxony, loving it!

laughing at spiderman

2011-04-11T20:08:00.000+02:00

today's interview was quite intense

I got touched here and there by this human being with her history

I loved the moment when, after telling me she has a specific phobia for spiders

a little spider landed on the desk between us... I grabbed it through its web and said out loud "speaking of what, what is u doing here?!"

she laughed out loud from her heart

the sun was coming warm through the window in this beautiful day of spring

I wonder if she could feel that behind those red eyes

I so wanted to hug her as if she was my daughter

to my dear magnolia

2011-04-10T10:56:00.001+02:00

come dici tu... non mi sento di rispondere con le parole ;o)

questa è forse la versione che preferisco, per nessuna vera ragione!

going back to bed after breakfast

2011-04-09T11:16:00.000+02:00

(1906 - 2006)

2011-04-08T15:39:00.000+02:00

this was exactly 100 years before the first time I got to SF (1906 - 2006)

how weird to watch those images and to know that the whole world, but especially some places, are on the "list"

of natural disaster

don't mean to upset anyone, it's just that because of the recent events I got to think about it more often, and as far as I know it won't happen for a very long time, we won't be here to see that

but there is something about the attachment to SF that is probably related to its history and its "destiny"

imagine those generations ahead, not being able to go there, where we had the best time of our lives ... crazy

and then...

2011-04-08T12:00:00.002+02:00

I have a dream...

2011-04-06T14:45:00.000+02:00

il flusso degli svarionamenti

2011-04-06T14:18:00.000+02:00

vorrei potervi raccontare in dettaglio la cazzata enorme che ho combinato

ma non posso

é troppo... pazzesca/assurda/scema/imbarazzante

ho fatto fatica a rivelarla persino ad un amico, e anche in quel caso ho mentito su alcuni aspetti

credo che se ne avró l'occasione racconteró solo alla persona direttamente interessata con quale sconcertante leggerezza mi stavo per mettere nei pasticci

ma poi, oddio, pasticci relativi

il vero pasticcio sarebbe stato solo ammettere davanti allo specchio che per quanto io cerchi di autoconvincermi di determinate cose

non c'é storia che tenga

la veritá mi é tornata indietro come un boomerang affilato e pieno di spine

il caso ha voluto che me ne accorgessi io soltanto

e non terzi, che avrebbero sicuramente interpretato il tutto in maniera... distruttiva

un brivido freddo, una risata isterica

e il pensiero ossessivo di ció che sarebbe successo se...

"segui il flusso degli eventi" mi é stato suggerito

chissá

forse é proprio cosí che deve andare.

shoes off

2011-04-02T18:01:00.000+02:00

we finally bought a grill now that the good season started and we can enjoy the balcony again

a grill and two big chairs, those where u can lay with ur entire legs on

I hate chairs meant for chilling without the extension for legs, they lack the important part

now that I look at the grill I realize I will not become vegetarian in the near future, it's just... not my thing

let's say I'm like those smokers who confess they would like to stop, but they can't, they love it too much

I really love steaks

I know, they are two very different concepts

but... when u think about it... all those smoking vegetarians... they must really hate plants...

the kids of the neighbors have been so happy in these days

they brought all their "play mobil" stuff on the terrace and built their camping tend

I looked at them playing barefoot and felt so jealous, as if I was 8 years old again and wanted to join them

"hi, can I play with u guys? I brought some beer!"

that would be awkward...

yesterday I had my first picnic of the season, together with two guys who did internship with us, it was their last day... what a nice memory for a goodbye... all we needed was some bread, some cheese, a blanket and shoes off

the other coworkers from the clinic did not join us and went to a creepy smelly place to get chinese food and... I was not surprised at all...

some people are just not spontaneous and they will never be

there are kids camping on the terrace, sitting on the ground, underneath the sun, enjoying the fresh air and guessing which faces hide in the shape of the clouds

there are those sitting inside, probably wearing shoes

if they only looked outside their windows sometimes...

Amatevi...

2011-03-29T08:06:00.000+02:00

Amatevi l’un l’altro ma non fate dell’amore una catena:

lasciate piuttosto che vi sia un mare in movimento tra i lidi delle vostre anime.

L’uno riempia il bicchiere dell’altro, ma non bevete dalla stessa tazza.

L’uno dia il pane all’altro, ma non mangiate dallo stesso filone.

Cantate, ballate insieme e siate gioiosi, ma lasciate che ognuno sia solo:

anche le corde di un liuto sono sole eppure fremono alla stessa musica.

Datevi i vostri cuori ma non per possederli perché solo la mano della vita può contenere i vostri cuori.

State in piedi insieme, ma non troppo vicini perché le colonne del tempio stanno separate

e la quercia e il cipresso non crescono l’una nell’ombra dell’altro.” (Khalil Gibran)

Montag, lieben, lachen, loben

2011-03-28T10:33:00.000+02:00

today is one of those mornings where I would like to open all the windows of the office, put the music loud and lock the door

not that anything bad happened, it's actually the other way around

I feel so alive that I could basically explode

but I will behave, I will be nice, I'll play the music loud only in my head and lock the doors of myself

ice-cream in the air

2011-03-25T14:14:00.000+01:00

tradotto: "una pallina di merda"

"oh, noo, non lui di nuovo..."

almeno questo posso farlo.

2011-03-24T07:22:00.001+01:00

mi sono svegliata con l'arrivo della luce, molto presto
mentre preparavo il caffè ho riempito due tazze
una per te, lo so che non la berrai accanto a me, ma ho chiuso gli occhi ed usato l'immaginazione

almeno questo posso farlo

sono andata al panificio
mentre sentivo il buonissimo odore del pane fresco avrei voluto che potessi sentirlo anche tu, ho chiuso gli occhi ed usato l'immaginazione

almeno questo posso farlo

seduta in tram ho tenuto accanto a me il posto libero
nel caso tu arrivassi all'improvviso, anche se sarei io ad alzarmi per correrti incontro se ti vedessi, ho chiuso gli occhi ed usato l'immaginazione

almeno questo posso farlo

ho ascoltato Johnny Cash che ti piace tanto, chiudendo gli occhi ed usando l'immaginazione

almeno questo posso farlo

c'è molto che non posso fare, come fermare tanti ricordi, azzerare le distanze, andare a fare una passeggiata nel parco insieme, sederci a pancia all'aria su un tetto sotto al sole caldo, bere uno spritz completamente fuori orario, andare a ballare tutta la notte fino a che le scarpe fanno troppo male, ridere di alcuni nostri amici senza farci sentire.. ma chiudere gli occhi ed usare tutta l'immaginazione che abbiamo

almeno questo posso farlo.

where the jelly fish lamp shines

2011-03-23T16:39:00.002+01:00

when u need to collect ur thoughts sometimes a good walk in the evening might help

even if u ended up walking not exaclty after a lucid decision, but rather because u had to escape from something

walking in those moments give u the chance to see things around u in a very different light

I went to one of my fav corners, some blocks away from where I live

and I had to recall those words posted by a friend about how the world can look like a big aquarium sometimes

at that point the elements where quite perfect:

watery eyes

dark atmosphere

a blue wall

a huge jelly fish lamp in the middle of the square

I took a sit on the bottom of that ocean and looked up, where the water ends and life begins

and I happened to be perfectly on time for the ballet lessons at the dancing school

in that light, in that night

they all looked like little seahorses and gold fishes dancing happily and free

it's nice to know I can go there swimming with them when I feel like drowning

Ciao Liz Taylor.

2011-03-23T14:59:00.002+01:00

Cleopatra: Without you Antony, this is not a world I want to live in, much less conquer.Because for me there would be no love anywhere. Do you want me to die with you ? I will. Or do you want me to live with you ? Whatever you choose.

Antony: Are we too late, do you think, if we choose life ?

Cleopatra: Better too late than never.

(Cleopatra, 1963)

had a dream, last night

2011-03-23T08:12:00.002+01:00

quando sei qui con me.

2011-03-23T07:34:00.000+01:00

Nell'estate di quasi due anni fa, dopo aver fatto ritorno in Italia da San Francisco, sono andata a Firenze a trovare un'amica

Coincidenza ha voluto che in quelle due settimane di Agosto una ragazza colombiana conosciuta in California, venisse proprio a Firenze

Così accadde naturalmente il volersi vedere

Fu abbastanza strano andare alla stazione di Firenze a prendere qualcuno conosciuto così lontano da lì e in una situazione completamente diversa

Avrei voluto che alla stazione ci fossero almeno dieci persone con lei, dieci di quegli amici che vivono dall'altra parte del Globo, ma ero pronta ad essere felice che almeno una di loro stesse arrivando da tanto lontano

Nell'attesa decisi di preparare tante piccole letterine di saluti per le persone che lei avrebbe potuto rivedere dopo la sua vacanza italiana

Certo, avrei potuto scrivere una e-mail, ma ciò che volevo era una testimonianza di quel giorno, di quell'incontro, la sensazione per tutte quelle persone in California di ricevere tra le loro mani un piccolo pezzettino di carta scritto da me, toccato da me. Un pezzettino di carta che grazie alla gentile amica, soprannominata da tutti "la postina", ha attraversato l'Oceano ed è giunto tra le mani di ciascun destinatario. E non devo spiegarvi la sensazione del poter condividere una piccola vera lettera. Spero per voi che questa sia una sensazione molto familiare.

Una volta tornata a casa, a San Francisco, la mia postina portò a termine la missione, letterina dopo letterina. La letterina divenne occasione per un caffè con quegli amici, un gelato, un piatto di pasta, l'occasione di conoscere alcuni di loro per la prima volta.. "C'è Posta per Te".

Una di quelle persone, E., ricevette la letterina non direttamente dalla postina, bensì da un altro amico comune, R., a sua volta destinatario della Posta di Valentina, che gentilmente si offrì di fare da tramite

Proprio ieri, dopo tanto tempo, E. ha casualmente incontrato di persona la postina che lo ha "riconosciuto" dal suo nome e gli ha raccontato chi lei fosse.

Oggi ho ricevuto un messaggio di E. che diceva che per un istante è stato come se ci fossi anche io in quella stanza.

mettete dei fiori nei vostri cannoni.

2011-03-21T07:25:00.001+01:00

http://www.antiwarsongs.org/categoria.php?id=11&lang=it

I'm a bit tired. U know what?

2011-03-20T16:13:00.000+01:00

Soon you will know that you are sane You're on top of the world again

2011-03-17T19:27:00.000+01:00

c'era nessuna volta

2011-03-14T15:21:00.000+01:00

è una foto che fa male

la foto di me e di te insieme

seduti a parlare della vita, delle nostre vite e di come tenerle assieme

c'è il sole seduto con noi a prendere un tè

"zucchero?" "no, io lo bevo sempre amaro"

i miei racconti, le tue domande, le tue avventure e i mie silenzi

le mie emozioni, quelle che ti incuriosiscono tanto, perché tu non le hai conosciute mai

c'è il tempo che abbiamo sprecato

e quello che ci viene ancora in dono

è una foto che abbiamo solo noi sopra al comodino

io di casa mia e tu di casa tua

in una cornice di legno

dove polvere non osa posarsi

e che nessun occhio passando può fermarsi a guardare curioso

perché è una foto che non è stata scattata

che non esiste

come quel nostro momento

che non è accaduto mai.

2011-03-13T16:49:00.002+01:00

Denkst du vielleicht g'rad an mich
Singe ich ein Lied für dich
Von neunundneunzig Luftballons
Und daß so was von sowas kommt

Seh' die Welt in Trümmern liegen
Hab' 'nen Luftballon gefunden
Denk' an dich und laß' ihn fliegen

message from a japanese friend

2011-03-12T14:20:00.001+01:00

"i am fine in Tokyo.
But i thought i would die yesterday. I was in office when the big quake attacked here, i was on the 10th floor and it was shaking like crazy, there was no way out. City stopped gas line and telephone line and transportation, and there was no food in store.
The worst experience in my life. M8.8 is the biggest in Japanese history.

My family are also fine, but my relative in Northern Japan are not able to contact yet. So we are waiting for their contact.

It was keeping shaking every 20mins for more than 30hours, unbelievable.
I think i am stressed and tired, but today is better than yesterday."

la terra che tremò, l'aria s'incendiò, e poi silenzio.

2011-03-12T11:15:00.000+01:00

imagine the same earthquake happening in the Atlantic area

it's like

bye bye Europe in a blink of an eye

we were so busy fighting our wars that we did not realize the real World War has been always playing in the background and

it's definitely meant for us to be lost

I think it's time for a vacation, just in case the Earth wants to win the war for good in the near future.

there's no easy way out

2011-03-11T08:18:00.000+01:00

even after a 100 years and even if watched in German

this movie brought me right back with my brother when we were just little kids screaming at the tv-screen "No Pain! No Pain!"

and I enjoyed the soundtrack probably twice as much

You want me, well fucking well come and find me

2011-03-10T14:31:00.000+01:00

I was 15 when I had to learn some parts of Romeo and Juliet by heart and perform them in front of the class

I can still recall the emotions in learning and repeating those words of Love and the feelings which came along, I remember those days, the smell of the book, even the clothes I was wearing, sitting on my bed

this whole image is a tattoo, there, forever

The window was open, as it is in May

my room full of dreams, of desires

My only love sprung from my only hate!
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!
Prodigious birth of love it is to me,
That I must love a loathed enemy.

star travellers

2011-03-10T07:45:00.001+01:00

I ran into a new blog that basically works only through images and short messages.

I find it not only interesting but really great. Stimulating, funny, clever.

Cannot avoid sharing yesterday's image:

(fuckyouverymuch)

partecipate!

2011-03-09T08:29:00.000+01:00

Raccolta firme per Mandarlo a Casa!!!!

sign this to send Berlusconi home!

Petition agains Berlusconi:

http://beta.partitodemocratico.it/doc/202497/berlusconi-dimettiti-firma-online.htm

adesso. cazzo.

2011-03-09T07:57:00.002+01:00

ahah!

2011-03-08T09:04:00.001+01:00

"La prima volta che ti ho vista ho pensato fossi la femminilità fatta a persona"

mmh... e la seconda volta?

"Eravamo quattro amici al bar"

more rare than pearls and treasures

2011-03-07T20:20:00.001+01:00

I recall my father's words on this topic

"friends"

he told me that I was over using this word and I got mad at him

I said "u don't know them, they are awesome, they are my friends, the most important people in my life, if it wasn't for them"

and it took me a lot of time, bad experiences and pride to swallow

to realize and say it out loud

that, as in many other cases, he was unfortunately right

not because he wanted to be right

I'm sure he was more disappointed than me in having to let me know that... most of the times, people suck, nobody excluded

there are some rare exceptions

more rare than pearls and treasures

they should invent a new word for that

because "friends" means actually too often something else, something that is not even close any longer to what that word was supposed to mean

or is it that this certain concept, for which we have no real name, doesn't even exist?

or it exists but as any other thing it's not eternal?

hard to say what came first: omelettes or friends?

too soon and back

2011-03-06T18:09:00.000+01:00

it was colder than expected while running into the woods

everything looked as if spring was just around the corner when looking at the bigger picture

but into the woods the truth was quite different

there was still snow here and there

ice

up the hill the little river was still completely frozen

so much that when I threw a stone trying to break it... "sssstock" was the answer, a little scratch on the ice, but no sign of breaking through to see the water

too soon

breathing in and out was even quite painful because of the 3°C

after five minutes running my hands could still tell the main difference

my ipod ran too, but not with me, it ran out of battery... perfect timing! the mood was upside down

I had to run in the frozen woods and in the silence

me, myself, my steps, my breathing and my thoughts

they were too loud

I wasn't ready for that

I tried to focus on the outside because I went running exactly to avoid thinking and, there I was

the surrounding was not meant to be helpful

nobody around, trees, looking all the same

shadows and rays of light here and there

the sky

but nothing else

I found myself scared of those shadows, overreacting to little noises coming from the trees and the stones

I ran a bit faster in order to find my way back home

I had though to accept that the way was still quite long

Valentina... either u focus on the bright side right now, or this is just gonna be unpleasant

ok, ok

and that's when the woods opened and I ended up in a big open field, where the sun was shining without the trees blocking its way

I wish I had my camera with me, the scene was just spectacular in its simplicity

I was suddenly warm and happy and holding on to that sensation I went all the way back

to my warm house and a warm tea

all the people say

2011-03-05T11:58:00.000+01:00

That's life, that's what all the people say.
You're riding high in April,
Shot down in May
But I know I'm gonna change that tune,
When I'm back on top, back on top in June.

I'm gone.

2011-03-03T20:31:00.000+01:00

Listen, I tried, Tyler. I really tried. There are things about you I like. You're smart, you're funny, you're spectacular in bed.

But you're intolerable. You have very serious emotional problems. Deep-seated problems for which you should seek professional help.

-I know, and I'm sorry.

-Yeah, you're sorry, I'm sorry, everyone's sorry. But... I can't do this anymore. I can't. And I won't. I'm gone.

detto tra me e me.

2011-03-03T20:18:00.001+01:00

macchè.

oggi proprio non riesco a mettere insieme le parole. in nessuna lingua. non ho scusanti. forse dovrei fare come faccio di solito. parlare da sola ad alta voce. non in segno di pazzia (tanto, ormai), ma in segno chiarificatore.

l'ho sempre fatto.

per studiare, per assicurarmi di aver capito davvero determinati concetti ed essere in grado di spiegarli ad altri. ore ed ore a blaterare aggirandomi per casa. spiegando dalla letteratura italiana, inglese, tedesca e russa, alla biologia delle pompe sodio-potassio, ai fondamenti anatomo-fisiologici dell'attività psichica. i chilometri macinati per casa.

ma soprattutto le conversazioni immaginarie per risolvere questioni irrisolvibili con altre persone. parlavo da sola come se stessi parlando con loro, spiegandomi, esponendomi. pur sapendo che non avrei mai avuto realmente quella conversazione.

oddio. qualche volta poi è stata una prova generale di una conversazione successivamente accaduta. che puntualmente non è mai andata come me l'ero proiettata nel mio cinema neurale privato.

però è sempre servito.

nello studio mi è costato parecchio tempo. ma se c'è una cosa che più volte mi è stata detta è "mi piace come esponi le lezioni... mi piace come spieghi i concetti agli orali... mi piace"

"e poi alla Valentina piace parlare. non sta mai zitta"

anche se questo è un po' cambiato. col fatto che non parlo quasi mai la mia di lingua, taccio di più, per raccogliere i pensieri. così almeno mi esercito ad ascoltare meglio. o a parlare in silenzio.

anyway..

quelle conversazioni immaginarie si sono fatte molto presenti di questi tempi. soprattutto visto che sia famiglia che amici cari sono praticamente tutti lontani. quindi è davvero buffo. forse non lo saprete mai, ma se avevamo qualche faccenda irrisolta, io e voi, beh... sappiate che per quanto mi riguarda è tutto chiarito. se vi interessa davvero, poi possiamo fare una sorta di riassunto delle puntate precedenti.

ma in fondo. quelle conversazioni servivano solo a me. a volte per capire. a volte anche solo per accettare.

per l'appunto.

californication nights

2011-02-23T07:23:00.002+01:00

loving californication nights...

:o)

spunti di svista.

2011-02-22T20:40:00.001+01:00

che cazzo di giornata

dopo due ore di colloquio diagnostico mi sono ritrovata chiaramente sull'autobus sbagliato, perché in quel paesino sperduto dell'inculatissima germania dell'est diversi autobus con destinazioni neppure minimamente simili, hanno, perché no, lo stesso numero. non 309a e 309b, non 309 andata e 309 ritorno. no. 309. e basta. no comment

ho tentato inutilmente di suggerire una trovata meno idiota, ma... come dire, se a loro piace così... chi sono io per dire che "forse"?

così, insomma, un'ora persa a strafanculo a -10 gradi che mi ha tuttavia regalato un paio di scorci che forse non avrei visto, e sicuramente non oggi

ho visto delle viuzze che avrei potuto tranquillamente fingere di essere tra saronno e garbagnate milanese. i ragazzi che andavano a casa a studiare, le ragazzine con i capelli tinti di nero che, si sa nei paesi dei biondi il nero fa fico; i contadini nei campi, a coltivare probabilmente pacchetti di surgelati e a sfamare pinguini anziché galline... piccoli attimi di vita quotidiana dei paeselli sperduti nei dintorni di Dresda

le balle di fieno

un cavallo nero

il tramonto

il guidatore dell'autobus mi ha poi spiegato che "sì, si sbagliano tutti quelli che non abitano qui" ... e avrei voluto chiedergli mentre rideva "che cazzo ridi?" ma ha poi tirato fuori un simpatico tupperware con dentro lo spuntino e... mi si è sciolta un po' la bestia sulle spalle

grazie a dio, nel paesello dove la birra è buona, e lo garantisce la brauerei che si vede arrivando, c'è persino la stazione, così addio autobus... datemi delle rotaie con delle fermate che abbiano un senso sulla cartina

mentre mi appropinquavo ormai a Dresda ripensavo a quelle persone che mi guardavano come la straniera, come la ragazza di città... se solo avessero saputo di quando correvo scalza nei campi di bariana!

the moment that could have changed everything.

2011-02-19T19:09:00.000+01:00

I don't remember when I took a different turn on the way home, but I did

I found myself on a path where I haven't been before and I was not sure if I liked that feeling

except for that lamp on the street everything else was dark

the cold was like the only presence besides me, walking against me and pushing me away, like impeding me to move forward

my hands in my pockets trying to find some comfort

my eyes could hardly remain open, I felt them getting hurt by the wind, I could feel the warm tears going down my cheeks

I wanted badly to stop walking because all that effort seemed to be so pointless, I knew I was heading to the wrong direction anyways

but I kept walking

until a voice, clear and loud called my name

my heart stopped, my feet stopped

I looked behind me and I saw u underneath that streetlamp

I did not need anything else, ran towards you, felt like I was flying

thank you for finding me out there

I thought I lost myself forever.

don't let us

2011-02-16T18:12:00.002+01:00

da Valentina, con Amore

2011-02-14T22:26:00.000+01:00

l'amore è fatto di piccole cose, di dettagli, di passi importanti ma fatti in punta di piedi

l'amore non è perfetto e non aspira neppure ad esserlo, l'amore è passione, gioia e tormento, l'amore è insegnante, a volte dolce, a volte fermo

l'amore che nutre va anche nutrito, altrimenti o l'amore o gli amanti prima o poi muoiono

l'amore è quel quotidiano pensiero che vorremmo trovare tornando a casa, come una tavola imbandita illuminata a festa

eppure, l'amore a volte è difficile da dire, spesso anche da fare, ma se fosse facile, che valore avrebbe?

da Valentina, con Amore.

presenti!

2011-02-14T07:01:00.000+01:00

Italiani a Potsdamer Platz: PRESENTI. Per chi anche da lontano NON DIMENTICA E SOGNA UN'ITALIA DI CUI ESSERE FIERI!

"... don't u know? they're talking about a Revolution... like a whisper..."

what goes around hugs around

2011-02-09T15:08:00.000+01:00

and then I asked him to do me three big favours:

1. go to I. and give her a hug
2. go to P. and give him a hug
3. go to E. and give him a hug

in return, remember that for every hug u r giving, u r getting one back each time

those three hugs u will get, are my hugs for u.

everything is everything, but we missed today.

2011-02-09T14:58:00.000+01:00

this morning u made me smile while I was on my bus

for no reason ur voice and a stupid sentence of yours came to my mind and I was smiling like an idiot, sitting there by myself

not that it doesn't happen often, me being on the bus and having to laugh all of a sudden, but I was surprised that this morning it happened because of u

I imagined how I would have loved to share this sunny and warm day with u, just sharing mean comments on people and laughing about it, to then start making fun of ourselves, until it's not funny anymore and we decide to finally talk about real stuff

because that is our way of dealing with everything

u could come tomorrow to visit, but it's supposed to rain and get cold once again... even some snow for the week end

so I guess we missed this chance, we missed today.

I sometimes think too much but say nothing at all

2011-02-09T14:25:00.001+01:00

these are days of big changes, some of them immediately visible, some moving slowly underneath the illusion of normal life

but nothing, nothing stays the same for too long, either stronger or weaker, either better or worse, either forward or nowhere

the best part of the whole process of things is that

u always have the choice either to do something about it or to stare at it

so, what do u wanna do with that?

Sono Donna e dico Basta (rdi)

2011-02-02T11:05:00.001+01:00

http://www.repubblica.it/politica/2011/01/30/news/foto_donne-11851241/?ref=HRER3-1

cruda realidad

2011-01-31T11:35:00.000+01:00

Una mujer pregunta:
- Maestro: no entiendo por qué si un hombre hace el amor con varias mujeres, tiene fama de campeón. Pero si una mujer hace el amor con varios hombres, inmediatamen...te tiene fama de puta. ¿No es injusto eso?
El Maestro le responde:
- Haz un esfuerzo y piensa: una llave que abre varias cerraduras, es una llave "maestra", digna de aprecio. Pero si una cerradura puede ser abierta con varias llaves diferentes..... es una puta mierda de cerradura.

28.1.11 meanwhile in Egypt...

2011-01-30T12:52:00.003+01:00

http://yfrog.com/h5ua1xj

Translation:
It is a document apparently released and circulated from the office of the Egyptian Minister of Interior affairs, in the form of instructions to the security forces. Main irregular points:
- employing a number of thugs, paying them generously, meeting with them unofficially in private, ordering them to disperse and spread chaos according to attached plan
- monitoring all party and organization members through press offices and communication agencies, keeping a log of all calls and messages, analyzing and reporting immediately
- means of communication (cell phones + internet) will be cut as of 6am on Friday 28/11/2011, while landlines remain functioning, security personnel should use encrypted radio
- security forces in civilian clothes to be spread according to attached plan
- restricting protests on Friday 28/11/2011 to main roads and squares, and stopping protests when they reach critical locations indicated on attached map
- arming security forces in civilian clothes with wooden and metal sticks to be used to arrest main figures inside the protest, without showing violence ...??
- firing rubber bullets and tear gas canisters, and refraining from firing live bullets except in emergencies

(translation and sharing by friend Hatem Ghaleb)

isn't it somewhat scary that it even sounds "familiar"?

beware short-circuits

2011-01-29T21:08:00.000+01:00

sometimes it's fundamental to switch off your heart

you switch if off like you would do with electrical devices during a bad storm, to keep your stuff safe from a short-circuit

taking the risk is somehow not worth it

and you cannot avoid feeling a bit sad because maybe you wanted to listen to the radio or you thought of watching a movie, especially tonight, with such a boring, cold weather out there

you decide therefore to turn off the lights too and to light up a candle instead on the small table, to read that book you never managed to read to the end

you could call a friend but you don't feel like talking, you could play cards with your roommate, but somehow you really don't feel like being around other people. you wanna be alone

and that's because your heart is set on OFF

it needs some unspecified time to go through the storm before being switched ON again

and nobody knows when the rain is gonna stop, but everybody knows, or simply, strongly believes, that eventually it will

being creative.

2011-01-28T13:34:00.000+01:00

I don't believe it's really our fault

and even trying to be something different from our nature, it's in a big percentage pure utopia

because we come to this world as we are

craving, needing, desiring, wanting, expecting

sure we can learn

but what exactly are we supposed to learn here? what's actually the lesson we are called to attend?

I kind of doubt we can basically learn the art of control and live with that

control sounds like very difficult and somewhat painful most of the time

we come to this world like drug addicted in abstinence and we spend our lives looking for stuff that calms the abstinence

are we really learning to control the addiction?

or the real challenge is to become more creative and detailed in what pleases the addiction?

a father's letter

2011-01-28T10:40:00.000+01:00

how fiction can touch u...

"ur father is a child in a man's body, he cares for nothing and everything at the same time... something has to change, something has to give...it's getting dark, too dark to see"

north, south, east and west...

2011-01-27T21:16:00.001+01:00

I met my first psychotic patient... and I felt for the very first time how difficult it is to really deal with that... especially if u had no idea about it and got to realize it in the very moment when the show was already on... what doesn't kill u ... drives u crazy

but then I "met" two friends

I went to the gym

I went to the restaurant to meet people for dinner

when I came home I recalled the nice talk I had with mom this morning

and the note I wrote while talking to her

"she is my north"

at the end of such a day

there is nothing I could really say or sing to my self... other than this melody

do be do be dooooo

2011-01-24T08:03:00.000+01:00

it started snowing again, guys... I needed some do be do be do on this monday morning!

a not fair-y tale

2011-01-21T22:42:00.000+01:00

she took three steps ahead

moving very carefully, softly, paying attention to not stepping on any flower, on any bug

slowly and gently

her feet like little wings

dancing without touching the ground

flying without leaving the ground

then she stopped and looked around

in love and in peace with everything and everyone

she closed her eyes and

a car ran over her.

my name is Dementia

2011-01-20T08:35:00.001+01:00

i'm really starting to get worried

in the past few days all these things happened:

- went to the gym but forgot my training shoes at home
- jumped several times on the wrong tram or missed my stop because absent minded
- lost my bank card

and since there is NOBODY to blame but ME

now I can choose:

either I have dementia (like a friend suggested) or I need a great vacation...

MEDals

2011-01-18T15:24:00.001+01:00

I know I know I know and I know it

people are never what we think, things are never as we thought

but I cannot avoid considering

that it's true also the other way around

we most probably made the others feel exactly the same way, without any intention, without any plan

I am therefore not saying "stop being mad"

I am more saying "is it really worth it to get that mad"?

because u know, eventually, u'll move on and when looking back, it'll be all good, even the bad

rethorical I know, I know, I know and I know it

but we always forget the other side of the medal

we forget that there is ALWAYS another side of the medal and it's only up to us to see it

no surprise in the USA

2011-01-17T21:49:00.000+01:00

can u freaking imagine that in the USA the very famous Kinder Surprise is, not only not on the market, but banned for import or gift for Easter as well?

and u know why?

it seems that putting objects/toys inside chocolate represents a danger for the kids, who could swallow it with the chocolate-egg...

now

I don't think I need to comment this, but the USA is also the Country where on suppositories they have to write several times and HUGE that they are not for oral use, because people swallow them constantly instead of... well, u understood

so there u go

that they have some oral problems, it's now taken for granted...

f--act

2011-01-17T21:23:00.003+01:00

now this is a singular f-- act

my gym has a small swimming pool and a sauna, where between swimming and sweating u can relax on big chairs which have a view on the main street of the shopping centre in Dresden

kind of nice to relax watching the craziness down there

but the street is not the only thing u can actually see while laying there...

as a matter of f--act, there's also a big hotel right in front of this window

...

during the day this doesn't make any interesting difference

but in the evening, when people in the hotel put the lights on... it's like watching tv

and, I am not sure how much the guests are aware of the situation, but... today it looked like some people were freely getting undressed and having affairs

why affairs? well... not so weird the undressing went fast, but... exactly as fast was the dressing up afterwards too...

no, u cannot see more than that... I was already shocked enough that... in that hotel u don't get any privacy... I wonder if those rooms have special rates (higher or lower depending on people)

a guy in the room though, totally noticed us laying there in our towels and... what did he do? he took a huge camera and shot a picture...

it is an insane world out there

but this is the Big Brother's society, I don't even know what I am actually surprised about

take off ur shoes to dream better

2011-01-15T11:01:00.001+01:00

there is a Spring preview happening in Germany in these days

yesterday the air smelled different, the Earth looked different... and I know it's just a small mistake of the Nature and it's gonna be cold and snowy again pretty soon

but who tells my irrationality that this is just a mirage?

join me for an illusionary walk along the river... if u don't mind I'll go barefoot, because shoes don't belong to dreams, especially my new shoes which caused me blisters

consumism is not the right way to go?!

2011-01-12T09:23:00.000+01:00

seriously

for once in my Life I wanted to avoid buying new shoes and repair the old ones... then I got to know that to repair my boots the shoe-guy wanted 50$...

now

I didn't wanna be rude, but I said right in his face "Why would I wanna spend 50$ to get old boots when with 10$ more I can have exactly the same boots, but new?!"

He said "It's ur choice"

I said "It's urs too"

...

I didn't wanna be pro-consumism, but... this World is crazy.

even the stars refuse to shine!!!!!!

2011-01-11T20:30:00.000+01:00

I was at the gym on Sunday when this movie was running... I spent more time on the "step" in order to keep on watching it... (this psychological war totally works!)

anyways... just to prove that there's always a cheesy romantic idiot in me... can't help it!!!!

plus... I love this song which someone used for the videoclip

if I could play the guitar I'd play this on the beach (totally the beach on the Pacific!!!!) ... but, what the hell... I can surely sing it with my whole soul

honey mustard & onion

2011-01-11T19:21:00.000+01:00

I cannot believe it, but all of a sudden it's warm over here

so much that the snow almost completely melted, dogs' poop is all over the streets, I had to wear a lighter jacket, no russian hat anymore, gloves are almost disturbing and I decided to walk through Neustadt instead of taking the tram

since I was starving I did not resist and I bought those amazing "bretzel pieces" (http://www.pc-icebox.de/bilder/klein/usa_snyders_honey_big.jpg) guys... mmmmmhhhhh... this crap is scary good... so, I enjoyed every step and every bite, licking my fingers like a piglet

I found out while walking that there's a little gothic shop that has a small curtain shaped as batman... and because of the light coming from the shop, the house in front of the shop gets the "batman signal" every evening... cooool

then I looked inside Raskolnikoff (a very sweet little restaurant very close to my place) to see if there was anything good on the menu tonight... but I happened to surprise the cook hugging and kissing one of the waitresses... what's on the menu today? "Love!" "Ooooooh tasty, can I get some?"

crossing the garden I realised that in the garden next to my building some people lighted up a fire, I don't know exactly why, I couldn't see the entire scene, but I could smell the good burning and I could see the shadows dancing in the light... it was kind of magic

I don't know if this warmth is about to last, Winter just started as far as I know... but in Life... u never know

I bought the wrong lights for my lamp, so maybe tomorrow I can have another nice walk home

el(h)e(a)ven

2011-01-11T07:23:00.000+01:00

they say 11 is the number of spiritual balance

may ur 11.1.11 go in this direction

coffe anyone?

sogni qui nel blu

2011-01-08T22:28:00.000+01:00

it really sucks when u can't sleep

it really does

and believe me, I've been there so often... and it happens here and there to loose the good, deep, dear, friendly sleep which brings u in peace with everything and everyone

I'll tell u what

I can't put u to sleep, cannot give u that sleep

but I surely can try

to give u some peace on those nights, if I were there... close to u, I will play this one caressing u, until u dream in the blue

I'm going ur way

2011-01-08T10:22:00.001+01:00

just a few sentences which couldn't have been more appropriate about some thoughts I was running into in the past couple of days

I never felt more than today that someone walked exactly where I stepped in, just some time before I did, leaving there not only traces, but good and clear ones to be followed or just to be noticed and to get some thoughts spinning around

It's like I took a walk with this person, a funny and interesting one

Every woman is just a different kind of problem.

If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot you don't.

Sometimes the past seems too big for the present to hold.

What we don't understand we can make mean anything.

People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messed cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.

sugar town

2011-01-06T20:07:00.001+01:00

some things and some people are like sugar

no matter what u decide, when u had a bite, when u had a good little bit of it, u soon feel the need to have some more

and of course u can survive without that sweetness, but u immediately feel the desire for sugar, the energy lacks and having to get through the day is so difficult

colors get weaker

music becomes the surrogate

u can't really smile anymore

so now u know a little more why people exaggerate with sweets and stuff (or avoid them completely)

there's a name on each candy, on each spoon of sugar, an entire story

did u gain weight lately? well... (did u evidently loose some?)

and there's no need to tell

a bitter smile hides always a sweet memory

thanks for (not) coming!

2011-01-06T12:44:00.001+01:00

everything left when a patient stands u up is some free time to read the New York Times and the having to deal with the countertransference feelings...

don't u worry for my "feeling-rejected", that ain't gonna happen today, because the person stood another interviewer up for the last appointment and I am replacing someone else...so the standing up isn't directly for me

but it is eventually going to happen in the future that some client doesn't show up to meet ME

so better getting prepared and tough for that day

which means "never leave home without ur camera/computer/NY times" if u have an appointment

that´s it! after an hour and a half of waiting, I think I can lead myself home, or to the mall to heal my hypothetical rejection-feeling...

;o)

PS clear enough that NY Times is a cool way that stands also for all the other crap (blog, facebook & co.)

to the dream makers

2011-01-05T15:54:00.000+01:00

there was a kitchen

a new year just started

tons of amazing dreams

a song and a dance to say "goodbye and good luck"

and the most important

"it was lovely meeting u"

a brand new start

2011-01-01T17:43:00.001+01:00

I generally avoid making promises or plans about a new year coming, because I'm very bad at keeping track

but I do dream a lot about what I wanna do in the future and I am very good at dreaming and following dreams

the only thing I feel like wishing is "good dreams" everyone, may all ur dreams come true or simply may them keep u daily amazingly alive!

1.1.11

let's get this started!

to all the Italians who walked somewhere else

2010-12-30T20:32:00.000+01:00

I cannot really tell what happened

maybe too much happened in a too short week

but that's fine, I controlled myself and it looks like I survived somehow

even if sometimes, like that song says, pain is the only thing that's real

this time my pain leaving my Country was kind of stronger... for what I understood it gets stronger with time

at the very beginning it was all about curiosity, then about being excited, then about building my Life outside my Country... and when u know ur ticket is "one way" everything changes

this time I felt how much I miss them in my daily Life, how much I will always be missing them

what makes me feel that way is spending a normal evening in front of a movie with my siblings, having a drive with mom, drinking a tea with my old friend and her brand new daughter... priceless deep moments, which I can enjoy now very seldom

they all asked me "when r u coming back?"

"I have no idea, hopefully sooner than next x-mas" I answered, feeling a bit sad

the story of a lot of people right now and also of a lot of people in the past... nothing new to the World

seeing places where u belonged in the past, gives u a stronger idea of who u were and u are not anymore, usually is a good sensation of growing up, but sometimes is a cold sensation of distance in place and time... u go home and then u know, u r a visitor there... ur home is not there anymore, ur couch feels different, ur bed too small, the tv is new and u cannot figure out how to use those remote controls! ur parents look older and their hugs so intense, ur language sounds different and ur head keeps on translating for no reason

on my way back to Germany I helped some Italians in Dresden, they kind of reminded me that the good side of my Country is that we happen to be everywhere, there's a little part of Italy everywhere I am... I'm proud of that, of those Italians, which make a small Country having a bigger heart

and the beat goes on.

2010-12-24T09:54:00.000+01:00

Santa Claus answered my mail.

Malpensa airport, 23. Dec, 2010, 9.30 pm

no stars in the skype

2010-12-23T08:39:00.000+01:00

so frustrating

in the past weeks technology totally left me with my ass on the floor

- in the past 12 months all of a sudden my phone and an i-pod stopped working, for no reason
- for several weeks I couldn't use an application on my computer, I had then to reinstall the software to magically have it again (luckily with no loss of info)... diagnose: for no reason!
- because of the cold the internet was not working in the whole block during the week end, the connection was working only for about three minutes at a time every hour...
- skype has some problems and in the x-mas days, when I need it the most, it's not working

and what is really annoying is to realise how much I need all this crap... or not.

I am practicing patience in the meanwhile, since I guess there is a lesson to be learned here..

so, I apologise for not calling u in these days, let's get in touch as soon as technology will help, OR... let's find some other way to communicate... because that IS still an option.

feeling cheesy for San Francisco today.

2010-12-21T07:50:00.000+01:00

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

well, sorry, but I needed something lame to get through the solstice today

besides

as said somewhere else, the positive side of the winter solstice is that in the southern hemisphere is the summer solstice!

PS this song is dedicated to a City, not to a person, 'cause there's just a City that would make me sing this one on the street, if u know what I mean.

PPS the only thing I ask for x-mas is to make it home on thursday. HOLD ON HOPE.

eins nach dem anderen

2010-12-20T17:39:00.001+01:00

Stellt euch einfach vor:

die liebe Vale geht einkaufen

sie denkt an ihren Schatz

und kauft Erkaeltungstee

der Tee schmeckt so furchtbar

dass die beiden jetzt brauchen

etwas gegen Brechreiz!

to believe in Italy u have to be leaving Italy

2010-12-15T08:33:00.000+01:00

please... do not tell me u got somewhat surprised by politics yesterday... how could yesterday make a difference, seriously? if elections are simply a joke, where it is not people voting, but "nominated" and largely payed ex-streapers, criminals, retarded... how does an election make a difference?

I was more surprised about how ridiculous we are

because there is one big truth, looking at Italy's history, and it's our need to have a dictator, it's like it keeps on happening, so we must be the kind of people who need to have a leader that does everything (and usually never good, or good for himself)

as a matter of fact, being a democracy it´s expensive in terms of time and energy, where everyone has to be active and responsible

we are a land where most of the people don't wanna work, most of the people dream of winning a lottery as the best thing which could be happening in their lives, we are a country of tv-watchers and low-thinking levels

yes, of course there are exceptions if u look back in history, some Italians made a difference

but, wait a minute... didn't they all leave Italy?

dreams never sleep

2010-12-12T18:40:00.000+01:00

I dunno how I feel about coincidences &co.

about serendipity

about destiny

about the sixth sense

knowledge teaches us that these things are simply the result of our needs to believe in something

our needs to find a meaning behind daily stuff

so without questioning what's real and what's not

just enjoying the beauty of random combinations of events in Life

I must say that certain little coming across in the coming and going around process of the Universe

do unexpectedly change everything

it's in that moment that I don't really care if fortunate coincidences are not real

as far as what they bring along is real

that's totally fine and fair enough to me

that's all I need

when I got that email some days ago I felt my heart beating faster, I found myself holding the strength of a big dream, I smiled and understood that even when we think our dreams fell asleep somewhere, they never sleep in fact, they keep on working underneath the surface and... it took an email with those ingredients to remind myself who I am and where I'm heading to

all of a sudden so many details made sense

I'll be more concrete later on, when the work-in-progress will get to the main point

see u there.

hope shall not die

2010-12-07T10:35:00.002+01:00

people, usually, are big disappointments

and I obviously include myself in the big group

but then sometimes something happens and it kind of opens a big stargate of hope

yesterday morning was one of those days where a stargate opened right in front of my eyes

a man was stuck in the snow with his car, having serious troubles in getting his car back on the main street

he really had to get his car moving 'cause from what I saw later in his car, he is a musician and had to go somewhere very important, with all his equipment

but anyway

he was trying, without success, to get out of this little street

my brother jumped out of our car and started helping him pushing the car

two man against a car in the snow

not enough

pretty soon, out of nowhere, 3 other men stopped by and started helping in different ways: pushing, cleaning the snow on the street, using blankets to make the wheels move forward

it took 20 minutes of hard work and pushing

5 men made it happen

the musician did something very peculiar to thank everyone

he bowed to them, like he does after he plays music

I found that very elegant and classy

and I found the whole scene simply fantastic

nobody asked those men to stop and help

there's still hope out there

the pursuit of happYness

2010-12-04T10:39:00.001+01:00

and here u go

in a blink of an eye December made it's way back again, tons of snow came along with it and the City looks all white, like a cake with powder sugar on the top

speaking of cake I thought of baking one today, since my brother comes all the way from Italy by car to visit me... but he has his b-day next Tuesday, so I think I will bake the cake on that day to make for him a real b-day with candles and song =)

for today though here is the plan: meat balls, winter soup, and winter cookies!!!

the Sun is actually shining and it is a weird sensation to have a bright Sun, which doesn't make the day any warmer... I mean... somehow it does... we will pass from -15° slowly to 3°... that's kind of an improvement... but if I think that not too far away in Greece or Spain there are something like 25° ... crazy!

a friend of mine wrote from Hawaii that he is having his first x-mas with flip flops... a bit jealous I must say

even if the snow storm three nights ago was kind of fascinating, I ran home where everything was warm, with the x-mas lights, with the windows so covered with snow that we don't even need curtains any more... that I must say I loved it! a x-mas with flip flops sounds definitely amazing, but...a cold winter with x-mas markets with waffles and warm drinks... has its own meaning

this reminds me of the pursuit of happiness

those little moments in between, which feel like ... u have no words to describe it

have u watched that movie? the pursuit of happiness? I'm not gonna say it's one of the best... but there's one thing that makes me love it more... it plays in San Francisco!

I think I'm gonna take a walk there, with my warm blanket on... movie: ON.

anybody cookies?

some metaphors are just wrong.

2010-11-29T17:28:00.002+01:00

I really don't get the metaphorical concept of "vultures" applied to some people. vultures are not even predators. they kindly wait and then eat something when already dead. to reframe it correctly u should stick to "leech".

tanto qui sotto, nulla è peccato

2010-11-28T16:00:00.002+01:00

Ma che ne so Fulvio, che ne so... Io non avevo mai tradito mia moglie e da quel giorno non l'ho fatto più...

Però ogni tanto quando litighiamo e ho voglia di sentirmi un po’ infedele, vengo quassù in questa terrazza, prendo un lenzuolo e me lo metto in testa. Poi recito quella poesia... “C’è la neve nei miei ricordi, c’è sempre la neve e mi diventa bianco il cervello se non la smetto di ricordare. Tanto qua sotto nulla è peccato...”

(Carlo Verdone, Manuale d’amore 2)

it's how u do the things u do that makes them special, and u more special to me.

2010-11-28T15:29:00.000+01:00

u are the only one who still writes me real letters, made of old paper, made of little stickers and drawings, made of u

I already said how much this is special to me, in a world where everything moves too fast and people are too busy into too many things, forgetting to sit down sometimes and just being silent

holding ur letter and ur words in my hands feels like I'm holding u, telling me these stories of yours, some funny, some sad

we shared countless letters when we were kids

and yes, I think I got ur message of wanting to bring this back for us, for our friendship, made of those little things which get forgotten

I think I wanna decide differently what I wanna forget in my life

forget emails, forget even the phone, we are more than that, we are made of ink and paper, envelopes, stamps and time

thank you for writing and reminding me of this.